stark beauty - communion and praying

As part of this year's celebration of the Advent season we are offering communion every week, rather than the normal 6 week rotation or so. This time we were asked to take the elements by "intinction" (tear piece of bread to dip into the cup on your own at the communion table standing at the front of the church).  The bread and cup were at the far end of the table and a handmade light quilt or prayer shawl was draped on the near end. As each person approached the table they were asked to make a prayer for our music direction who was scheduled for surgery the following morning. To tie the silent prayer onto the fabric, each person was to select a tassle and form a knot at the end of their prayer.
       During this process our music director sat at the piano and played in the silence of the people standing in line, bathed in the morning sun steaming through the south-facing wall of stained glass. The effect was stark beauty, since the slow but tuneful music sounded each note in crystal clear tones and the palpable concentration on the table, the "cleansing of one's heart" by taking the communion, and forming a meaningful and sincerely prayer for our young music director all combined to intensify the sound of the music in the room of sunlight. It was somehow similar to an imaginary feeling of nearly all the air leaving the room; or another image: the intense focus of a calligraphy with inked horsehair brush making the first stroke on a sheet of thick, absorbent handmade paper.
       Truly the combined force of sincere and focused prayers in the aggregate is a powerful thing.

...was blind, but now I see? St. Exupery?

Physically one's eyesight tends toward farsightedness (presby-opia) around 49-51 years old. Socially, too, one's vision tends to lose some of the close-up powers of focus. But there is some compensation for weaker acuity that comes from stronger vision of the whole - the ability to see a few steps ahead in the game, or possibly years into the future course of events. Perhaps this same shift in vision also occurs in spiritual maturity?
     One of the piercing statements in the dialog between The Little Prince and his Fox comes around page 40 of the paperback edition in which we read,

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.
 or on ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux. [Ch. 21]

or But the eyes are blind. One must look with the heart
    Mais les yeux sont aveugles. Il faut chercher avec le cœur. [Ch. 25]

Back when John Newton set his words to a familiar melody to give us Amazing Grace, the meaning seemed clear enough: he was lost and foundering in a sea of Worldly pressures, assumptions, depravities, and cruelty. And yet, by God's grace, all that washed away to give him a new vision; fresh eyes. He gave up his post as slave ship captain. Along with heightened perception -seeing what was overlooked before, there comes a certain illumination that is cast from one's growing faith; the idea that even without (visual) certainty one may proceed, know there is meaning and value and worth in the steps one takes and the aspirations one reaches toward.
     And so, as I venture further along the faith road, my appetite for knowing and hunger for wisdom continue to be health. But at the same time, I see more and more that was is essential cannot be known in one's head, or possibly even in one's hands or actions. What matters most is the shape taken by your heart in the transformation from savvy consumer to vigilant seeker of God on Earth. In other words, weaker vision and less insistent knowing seems to go with age, but it also seems to go with deeper faith; guided not by light alone, but by one's heart.

2 Thessalonians - bringing it back to life

Men's Bible study today wrapped up Paul's letter to the new Christians he met and led for 3 weeks in Thessalonika so many generations ago (if 500 years is about 20 generations, then 2000 years ago is about 80 generations ago). Coming off the street in the predawn darkness of November to the warm light and the hot coffee of the table, my mind needed some warming up to the Word of God. Two different angles appeared before me to relate 2015 to long ago Thessalonika. One is an organic or physical identification: the ground on which these conversations and events took place can be visited on Internet satellite views or traveled to by jet today. And very possibly some of the people present back then have descendants still living in the vicinity today, either those Paul and Timothy worked with, or the descendants of the synagogue(s) that listened and finally ejected him, or those neither following nor chasing him away. That is one way to trace a line from then to now -in physical, literal, material terms.

Another way is social and organizational: the smooth lines of NIV printed text, complete with signposts of chapters and verses, neatly roll in continuous stream across the paper and come with convenient page numbers, Table of Content, and thematic subheadings give the impression to modern readers that Paul's Letters were composed, delivered, and received in a direct, unambiguous, and impactful way. Things like nit-picking, back-biting, personality clashes and maneuvering for higher status to one's peer reference group, or other 'politicking' are imagined to be absent from the written communications from Paul to his brothers and sisters in Christ. But by injecting these foibles and petty human features of social interaction to the process, then these letters come to life a little more like things today.

small group discussion of R.Warren, "God's answers to life's difficult questions"

Chapter 3 is about responses to crisis [etymology: from Greek, dating from Medieval times - 'deciding point' or turning point in a disease; high stakes or danger]. The author pulls passages or personalities from the pages of the Bible to illustrate the principles that God is near (particularly close in the "thin spaces" of transition or life crisis), God knows and cares for you now and eternally, and that however things may go and you may respond - from God's point of view everything will be OK in the end.

And so, like many practices of Christianity and the other Abrahamic faith traditions, the more you engage in it, the more sense it makes and the better the results. For example, the discipline of praying frequently and widely leads to a more discerning heart, one less hardened and able to listen for or indeed seek out God's direction. Likewise when facing life's difficult questions listed chapter by chapter in the book, at first perhaps the passages from the Bible seem strange or baffling. But as one's habits of heart slowly are trained to God's angle, then things begin to happen for the better.

Thin places; God winks; Immersed in Thrum of Righteousness

The final few days of my mom's life passed at hospice among her children and dearest friend or two. One friend also was minister who spoke of thin places in life when the gap between here and The Beyond is thinner than the push and pull of everyday consumer life of maximizing utility or pleasure or whatever else structures one's decisions and worldview. At places of new life, recovered life, near death and earthly death the humdrum fades and the Being of now fills the space and time. What seems to matter most is altogether different to the yardstick we use in everyday routines and ruts we find ourselves in. Rather than seek other's approval or avoid disapproval, hungering for respect by peers and recognition by our social betters, instead our appetites are for beauty and relationship with the Righteous and Forever, the great Being that we find ourselves part of; part of all this time but too preoccupied in normal waking consciousness to know.

     At the memorial service just a week later my cousin talked of God winks. Incidental signs or even more direct communication that touch our hearts; that we take confirmation and comfort in; that seem to be a nod or indicator of God taking notice of our search for meaning and desire for hints of the Creator. Such times prepare our hearts for the interchange with things bigger than ourselves, things eternal, things ever present but which we are usually too preoccupied to see or hear or even know to look for.

     Once having felt these thin places and God winks it becomes easier to include this in the quiet time at start or finish of one's day; a time to drop the chatter of the 'monkey mind' (to borrow an image from Buddhist tradition of meditation distractedness) in order to just be; not do or make plans to do; just be without intention, direction, goal, striving or planning to strive. That moment, long or short, at twilight or in the rush of mid-day, is something like the top of the roller coaster, when the train has climbed to a peak and seems about to come to full stop before cresting the peak and gathering momentum in the plunge down and around the course. Besides that image of motion ceasing, the other image to describe the quiet place of the heart embracing God's creation is the experience of learning to speak a foreign language: first you rely on your native language by translating to and fro, tiring your mind in the process. But by and by as you pick up fluency and speed and stop stumbling over the details as you go with the flow and gist of communications, then the experience is immersive and the mother language can cease as the foreign language takes on the weight of your meanings, messages, and purposes. The same can be said about taking a moment or long pause to *be* with God; not doing, planning, reciting, praising, wrestling with God's Word, but just being present. That is the thrum of righteousness when striving has no place; where the race has already been run; where the sweetness and wonder are there to be savored. There is no need for words or actions, none of the mother language of ordinary life is needed because the foreign language, God's language of IS, is all embracing and all sufficient.

going to Hospice House

My mother volunteered since 1983 in our town and later in Traverse City after retiring to northern lower Michigan. As things have turned out she herself now has moved in and will be cared for staff and volunteers in turn. The meditation room has a stone-faced and framed "waterfall" fountain feature, as well as the following book titles.

I.D.K. (I don't know) - weakness or strength?

The beatitudes start out with the meek inheriting the kingdom. The full meaning is not the wimpy, but rather the powerful and able who *voluntarily* submit themselves to what is righteous.
So something similar may be echoed in one's growing spiritual maturity, wisdom, or experience of discernment; that is, while a less developed pilgrim's heart may seek definitive, black-and-white, certainties, someone further along the path may freely express their humility in not knowing; of walking forward by faith and not by sight. To say "I don't know" but still I persist in seeking God and God's Will is not an expression of exasperation, capitulation, or dismissing a conversation. Instead it opens up the field of engagement, seeking and inquiry. Rather than to be conclusive and foreclose and future questioning, to say "I don't know" is one way to open the door and look deeper and wider than the present moment and collection of experiences up to the present. In place of certainties there are uncertainties. But being able to acknowledge, accept and proceed by not knowing comes from strength, rather than weakness; like the "meek" or the "child-like" --these are not immaturities, but instead are the opposites and bring one closer to God's voice, hand, and mind; the great "I AM" of yore; of today; of all times.

Rote versus mindful “Lord’s Prayer”

Today in Men's Bible Study we did the call-and-response of Psalm 136… "The love of God endures forever." Then one guy asked the others of that freshly spoken experience: how much was rote and how much was purposeful intention, spoken like you really meant it? Answers ranged widely: rote is embedded in deeper part of brain, not the planning section but the emotional, automatic area. That way in time of need a person reaches deep down for a response and pulls up things like this. On the other hand, to go through the motions by pronouncing the required phrase without connecting this to what lies below as a foundation results in skimming the surface only; producing dead syllables rather than living, breathed meanings. But then to presume ever to comprehend God's meaning is foolhardy; far better to intend to understanding His meaning, but at the same time to acknowledge the limitations of a mortal mind. There is a certain analogy to choir singing: first learning to produce the right pitches and rhythms, and later adding correct musical dynamics, but only in the final stages being free from those operational concerns and letting the meaning speak directly from lyrics to listeners by singing it "like you mean it" and "really wanting to tell the listeners something you know." Similarly of the Lord's Prayer or this responsive phrase in Ps. 136. When you are focused and free of other preoccupations, then the short phrase can live all together, or specific words can leap forth with special emphasis and meaning: The LOVE of God endures forever, The love of GOD endures forever, The love of god ENDURES forever, and so on.
     What then is the right balance between dwelling on details of form versus paying lesser attention to particulars in order to focus on the big picture or message? Do denominational differences get in the way of embracing God's Word, or on the contrary do churches of like-minded (ethnic, generational, economic and educational statuses) people make it easier to put one's focus on the message and the experiential parts of worship? The old bumper sticker wisdom seems true, "People don't care what you know until they know that you care." In other words, the balance between particulars and main message comes down to the stumbling block idea: if the detail get in the way of the message, then they are a problem to overcome.

Physics of God's love and light; WWJD in reverse

"Then there was light" famously appears in the  opening lines of Genesis. Frequently good is depicted as illuminating or saving light, while darkness is defined by the absence of light instead of something of its own properties. But closely looking at physics suggests that the manner of speaking figuratively about light properties misses out some important physical properties of the electromagnetic spectrum that visible light occupies. 

(1) On a TV science show one of the experts compared the full spectrum to the distance from NYC to LA and on that long continuum of wavelengths the part that human eyes respond to would occupy the width of a coin worth 10 cents; a dime in other words. IMPLICATION: materials and beings that do not reflect visible light therefore are invisible to the unaided eye. All sorts of things could be present for which we have no corresponding reality or lived experience. 

(2) A college science experiment to demonstrate the mass or energy of light particles (photons) involves  very thin magnesium foil, which when exposed to light is caused to bend. IMPLICATION: while human eyes, skin and hair may not deflect under the load of bright light, nor bounce back in the absence of brilliant illumination, surely there is some physical reaction to bombardment by light energy. To the extent that God is The Light, then divine presence bathes all living creatures, filling the spaces between them. Through the repetition of day and night a certain pulse permeates one's being, whether that abiding presence (or corresponding absence) felt or unfelt. 

(3) Sometime the image of the wind is used to suggest the way the Holy Spirit is present in the world; not by direct perception, but instead by the movement of trees or waves. The same seems to be true of light: when indirectly illuminating the ground by reflecting from the sky or low-hanging clouds, or when shining from moon or sun directly overhead it can be perceived by turning to the source, or by observing the reflection on surfaces of one's body or environment. But the photons themselves are imperceptible. IMPLICATION: whereas God is present in all places and at all times, for mortal minds it is more glorious and most noticeable by reflection, including by shadows from shapes blocking the rays of light.

=-=-=-= This morning at Men's Bible Study one guy shared the realization that he'd been looking at his relationship to Jesus backwards. Typically a person aspires to the example that Jesus set and all the things one lacks in reference to the Sinless Master can be daunting or discouraging. So instead the question of WWJD (what would Jesus do; or let me try to be like Jesus in facing a decision or burden) the question can be put another way: ask WJWD (what Jesus would do) if he had to work with my skill set, preoccupations, psychological baggage and collection of responsibilities and so on. If Jesus were me now, as I am in all imperfections and foibles, What Jesus Would Do can give pause or insight before finally taking action, or deciding not to take action, for that matter.

baroque - or the feelings of awe

Some would press for plain worship places outdoors or interior because of the risk of wowing newcomers with the man-made wonder and distracting from the God-made wonder.
But others are hungry for an experience with lots of music, movement or dance, plenty of interchange to engage the whole self - body and heart and mind- in praising God. So the brassier, the more syncopated, multi-colored and digitally connected, the better. When VR goggles become affordable, let us have them on our heads, too, by this logic & this appetite for stimulation.

This image, https://www.flickr.com/photos/kritayuga/18425591593/in/explore-2015-06-22/, is a sweeping example of a man-made space that may catch you up in its majesty and scale.
The danger is to confuse the physical space with the thing it points to, God's own majesty, wonder and awe. So as long as you understand God's ever-presence, everywhere, and not confuse this built-space with God's postal address, then all is well.

The pause that refreshes

On this pleasant day of worship with church windows open to the bright green and gentle breeze outdoors, the minister invokes the Spirit of God and the time we dedicate to praising his name and worshiping his goodness inside and outside ourselves, no matter the tribulations, irritations or temptations that may otherwise preoccupy our minds.
     There is a cascade of distractions, beeps and clicks, free trials (ironic wordplay?) on offer, and efforts to make us spend, consume and imagine ourselves doing so bigger, faster, and pricier. So keeping one hand on God's Will is one way to filter and tone-down this clutter. Doing so gives some relief from these pressures and it gives some hope of maintaining a free-flowing heart and mind, able to look long, deep and wide and our times and within that our own lives and those around us. If not daily or even more frequently, prayer or worship or study or fellowship provides "the pause that refreshes," to borrow an advertising slogan of the past generation or two.
     Things like preoccupations filling our attention, burdens and sources of anxiety, general mental and residential clutter, and the spiritual/mental friction of entangling fine-print all deflect our gaze from our LORD and way to salvation.

surrender, serenity, serendipity

There is a suggestive overlap in first 2 syllables; but probably just happy coincidence.
     During men's bible study the impossibility of surrendering completely to God's will during one's mortal times came up in the discussion. It would seem that while you have mass, motivation, and breath that forever you will hold onto at least a thread of autonomy and authority; striving for a degree of independent scope of action, rather than always to pray or defer or reflect on God's will first. Of course some persons can train themselves from the knee-jerk habit of acting first and thinking of God's place only in hindsight. A supple heart can be trained by steady effort and knowing 'experience is the best teacher'.
     The image of golf, tennis, calligraphy or another skill-based learning curve comes to mind: the beginner grips too hard in an effort to control or overcontrol and overthink things. But in the course of gaining maturity and wider scope of experiences, the same person can lighten the grip and seize firmly only at the precise moments called for. By maintaining a light grip on one's days, it is possible to enhance one's nimble responsiveness, supple reactions, and alertness to surrounding conditions. As with mastery of a skill, so too with mastery of communicating with God and with one's neighbors; indeed, there may even come an ability to love one's enemies.

Ps 92: music? life flashing by? wrong end of the funnel

Men's Bible study this week included the 92nd Psalm which opens with the subject of music. So what exactly is music in the interplay of people in fellowship and in relating to God? Surely it is something expressive, although it can be produced in rote, literal ways, lacking the warmth and presence of inspired and purposeful sounds. Sort of like the all-purpose word 'love' in English (where the Greek language of the NT distinguished 4 separate words, depending on emphasis: affection, loyatly, belonging, etc), so also for 'music' there is one vast word to include sounds organized for lyrics and tunes without words. Some songs have delicate and complicated texts, while others are simple and repetitive to lead one into meditative release or congregational unity. Some music engages the verbal part of the mind; others engage the heart or physical part of one's self with percussive, syncopated or boisterous expression. And so is this semi-linguistic or sometimes non-verbal form of worship (as well as other times in recreation, meditation, comfort or protest) a channel of communication mainly - a way to reach others; to reach out and other times to reach in? The harmonies, rhythms and textures do something; they transact something; they form a flash-flood: a powerful and possibly dangerous current that sweeps along everyone to a happy place or sad place for the short time that it flows.

In the psalm there is the imagery of those ignoring or distracted from God who are like grass in the morning - prolific and short lived. By contrast there is the image of the palms trees, persistent, fruitful and suited to harsh conditions. These are meant to illustrate the righteous seekers after God. Elsewhere in the Bible we read that all God's creatures are loved; but that some seek him and others don't accept the love he gives them. But sinners big and small, those coming to him early or late are loved equally. So even a deathbed repentance is valuable. By extension and knowing God's equal force of presence over long scales of time and microseconds, perhaps the near-death-experience (NDE) and those whose demise is final who report a rapid replay of the important experiences along life's way in the blink of an eye, but which feels like slow-motion, is yet another window of opportunity for the unbeliever to repent and to seek salvation in God, right up to the final heartbeat. To an outsider unable to see that final replay of the person's life, all comes to an end. But in God's time --frozen, speeded up, or experienced at a waking human pace --there is time enough to transact the relationship between creature and creator one final time.

As the men's group conversation went from tangent to tangent the image of a funnel came up: so many novices, newly exploring God's word and the significance of one's life in view of Jesus' lessons, tend to look at God through the wrong end of the funnel. The wide end points to the self, making that part the most important, while the narrow end points to God, allowing only a narrow field of view and blocking out the many other surrounding distractions and temptations. However, a truer relationship to God follows and flows from the other direction of the funnel: the wide end points to all of creation in which God's presence can be seen and felt, while the narrow end points to the self.

So many people scurrying along their lives

The spring days are turning to summer as the early morning weekly men's Bible Study gathers. What once was a cold, predawn meeting now starts in full sunlight. And the people filling the roads no longer need headlights to make their way along their weekly morning commute. Viewed from the conversational space of the Old Testament's book of Psalms, and the conversations about word roots (Hebrew original in Ps 89 mentions God's love >root word is about loyalty, committedness, rather than the English overtones of affection), it seems that so many people go about their days far from God's Word (printed or broadcast or memorized or recorded scripture text) or conscious awareness and seeking out his actions and presence in those around oneself. To juxtapose the conversation around the Bible Study table with what is playing in the commuter's' car, or what may be preoccupying their minds, is to see the comparative scarcity of God in most people's day to day routines; apart from worship services they may attend regularly or periodically. In other words, we who are wrestling with significance, nuance and modern-day applicability of scripture probably are far, far, far outside our fellow creatures.
     Taking an even larger geographic frame of reference, it stretches the mind to consider the present minute or hour on a state-wide, national or even world-wide scale; knowing how many (or few) of the 6+ Billion human souls have heard God's name, let alone actively seek to know his word and his presence. Of course the rotating planet puts some of us in daytime and others in night, and still others in the transition from one to the other. So not everyone is wakeful in the same minute or hour of the comparison. Still, as an exercise of the imagination, to think of all our fellow creatures in a single glimpse is staggering. To go one better, one can try to picture not only those breathing in this minute all across the Blue Planet, but those also from the past 100 years, or even those in the coming 100 years, as well. While it may seem an uncountable number of bodies, in fact, it is a fixed number; perhaps never to occupy the same slice of time, but in God's Timescale perhaps the past and future are contemporaneous to the now. And so, among all these children of God, no matter the faith tradition they know/knew, consider just how many are actively wrestling with his word and his ways in a given instant on this grand scale; perhaps only enough to fill a few modern football stadiums?

leaning hard on God

Men's Bible Study took us into Psalms 69-70 in which the speaker appeals to the LORD God to do some God work since the person's situation is difficult; maybe a little like Job's trials even. Since we are children of God and by extension siblings of those around us, all expressions, outpourings and complaints are relational: the strength of the relationship determines how heavy a load can be borne. Someone with a weak or barely developed God relationship may feel it smartest to be polite in his awe and company. But in this Psalm the person seems to be on pretty close terms with the Creator. So the person does not hold back from demanding a more powerful showing by The Spirit. Many places in the Bible's 1st and 2nd testaments there is wailing and demands, sinning and repenting. So to view the Book as a catalog of powerful stories of triumphs by the pure of heart is not true. There is so much that reflects the stupid, impatient, and cruel actions of people to each other, as well. From these darker parts there is much to reflect upon and learn, too; not just the shiny parts lit by glorious light.

standing in the light; knowing God is there

1. During the Monday night small group book discussion of "Why Nobody Wants to Go to Church Anymore" the opening question was about times in your life where you've become aware of God's presence - first talking with partner and then sharing with whole group:

--Examples given: unexpected turn to positive health of self or other, guardian angel experience of near miss or baffling outcome for the best, hindsight showing a pattern or direction to what at the time seemed a 'door slamming shut', or engagement in prayer or care that affects both parties - sometimes in paradoxical or completely unlikely ways. It is not that God pays you a visit, but that he is ever-present and it is you whose awareness tunes in the guiding hand or needed discernment for making a decision.

2. Barbara Brown Taylor was featured a few years ago on TIME Magazine for her book about finding God not in the light, but in the dark.
Her book, "Learning to Walk in the Dark," talks about things in the Bible that happen away from the light; places other than "mountain-top moments."
Just so, as I rode toward the Tuesday morning gathering of the Men's Bible Study the sun had recently come over the tree tops. Some buildings and parts of streets were blazing in glorious spotlighting, while others were in shadow. Over head the dome of morning blue skies, clear of any cloud, reflecting the dawning day and shone down indirectly bathing everything in light. This physical manifestation of light and dark seemed to illustrate or give body to the talk of "God is light" in that abundant and undying light covers everything and even shadowed places receive some of the indirect illumination from sky or indeed from the most brightly lit surfaces adjacent to the shadow space. As an ever changing light plays on the surfaces, so too of righteousness: there are places and times of great brightness which later dim, and there are places of shadow that may later be fully lit.

God is With Us?! Several topics, in addition

Several weeks worth of remarks follow, beginning with a line from Psalm 47 (happy days are here, again, after the doubt-filled worries of Psalm 43):

God is with us
  Typically we take the meaning to be "on our side"; we can know that we are the winning side (in mortal matters of the earthly plain of conflicts). But just maybe this angle is wrong and the better interpretation of "God is with us" should be something of a warning to put minds/hearts en guard, because "fear [awe] of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom"; that is to say, if you sense the God is right there with you and in you, then it can be a terrible, terrific feeling. Instead of thinking the God is with us, therefore our cause is the just one and is sure to prevail. Now rather the meaning is God is with us, so bow down and tremble in the majesty of it all.

Be Still and Know that I AM God
   Elsewhere in Ps 47 (NIV edition) there is reference to "I am God" which echoes one of the 99 names of God, "I AM." One meaning is that God just IS; pure BEing sums up God's name and essence. Another meaning is that (at least in English language translation of "I AM") mere mortals use the same grammar and word choice in everyday conversation, such as "I am going shopping" or "I am home now" or "I am happy with that." Every time we use the words "I am..." it sort of invokes and echoes that Name of God. This is reminiscent of the Rastafarians, who recognize that God resides in self and in others; some will get in the habit of including this God-part when talking about themselves; for example, "I and I can meet you tomorrow at 6."

Cold dark morning outdoors, but lighted welcome and hot coffee inside

Heading out into the predawn day for the weekly Men's Bible Study, it occurred to me that the stream of people following their routines to or from work at that hour represented the motorized majority getting about their consumer-scaled lives. But that just around the corner and inside the dark church building lay the regular gathering of 5-6 guys, usually aged 50 and older who come out of the cold to enjoy each other's company, the hot coffee and hearing the word of God to set them onto tangents and other conversations. Could this arrangement represent the wider society, even world: much darkness, with small pockets of welcoming light and good company where one can not only hear God's word, but also talk about it in personal terms and wrestle with it for better understanding. In other words, despite the massive and perpetual print runs and the free digital editions of the Bible, and regardless of the findability online or on TV or recorded medium, still the word of God is not necessarily easy to find; or if easy to find, then it seems to be difficult to open up and engage with. In this way it is like the small lighted room each Tuesday morning with the handful of old guys pondering it and working out their own hearts. The far and wide spaces outside are dark and cold and dominate most people's days, while to seek The Light is a rare thing, and precious, too.

Guilty vs. (a)shamed vs. judged

Psalms are filled with outpourings both of love for God and pointed expressions where the petitioner calls God into account to Just Be God when the person perceives an absence of divine engagement on the earthly plane. In one psalm there is reference to shame, which triggers the contrast social commentators make between societies where a primary motivator or awareness is shame (e.g. Japan: acute peer awareness, social capital is close to basic survival) versus places where guilt is something most people avoid (e.g. USA: infringement on absolute, black and white conditions of goodness or rightfulness, particularly of the eternal, higher-than-mortal kind).

    Western-trained psychologists say that guilt is about deeds, but shame is about one's character or self. So it may be easier to restore a person who is guilty of a deed (justice, punishment, penance, remorse) than one who has been shamed by others (a kind of bullying?) or who himself or herself feels ashamed in the eyes of those whose relationship is valued, respected, and wherein the basis for dignity and (self) esteem reside.

    The third term that underlies both conditions seems to be judgement, either feeling judged by peers or judged by God's all-seeing, unsleeping heart/mind. For example there are people who are afraid of being judged by others; a sort of hazing experienced based on asserted (or imagined expressions of) moral authority. So whether one's errors infringe on God's ways (guilt) or on social custom (shame), there is sensitivity about being judged. Yet the Bible says judgement is God's prerogative, not something for mortals to dabble in. However, as the body of believers, semi-believers, and not-yet-believers who comprise a church in mutual support of one another, there is room for holding each other accountable, while not actually casting a judgement. We should point to each other's weaknesses, not for exercising moral superiority for all are sinners alike, but for next reaching out to support each other.

    Turning to worship services in church spaces or away from formal settings it seems very often that worshipers' self-image is celebratory and the avoidance of (appearances of) shame, but rather the brave assertion of dignity and banishment of weakness, vulnerability or problems on one's heart. In other words, rather than to grab ahold of pains or problems, the undercurrent is to avoid shame or guilt, whether it is present and perceptible or is imagined and indistinct. Rather than to risk or extend oneself and one's shortcomings (not as show of weakness or one-upsmanship --my pain is worse than yours), the church year and communal worship is a place to assert God's goodness and to acknowledge each other's goodness by extension. The driver is more one of avoiding pain of The World than to reach for pleasure of God's Way. Things are framed by "deficit thinking" (what is lacking, what is hateful, what is sinful) rather than "blessing thinking" (see what is possible, what is promised to come, what to be grateful of).

Love Hate Relationship?

The same psalm uses the word 'hate' in one of the infrequent instances of the Bible. The commonplace, pop-psychology of love-hate relationships takes on new meaning when 'love' is viewed in the way of God's love; that is, enduring and (over)whelming, parent-like (firm and reliable) as well as child-like (wondrous, not overly complicated, sweet). In this light the idea of love as the opposite of (or absence of) hate can be seen with fresh eyes. Certainly there can be many hateful deeds, great or small, in the eyes of God and in the eyes of one's neighbor. All the while, though, love can go on and even grow stronger when strained by offensive sin or innocuous missteps. Since God's love is not constrained by social customs, emotional baggage, or 'common' sense, it overcome any condition, even the apparently diametrically opposed position of enemies, where we have been taught to love each other even then. And so, contradictory though it seems in human language and logical circuits, love and hate can exist side by side.

Fear of the LORD is the beginning of Wisdom?

In Philippians 2:12-13 it says, "--continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose." Since the English 'fear' is less about threat or cowardice and something more akin to 'feelings of awe or being in the presence of overwhelming power and energy' then this line points to the connection of the attitude of one's hear of 'awe' on the one hand and salvation on the other hand; in other words, working out of one's salvation requires a heart that is filled with the feeling of awe. The opposite to awe might be all the self-referential attitudes like self-confidence, self-mastery, self-control, self-righteousness, and logical command of one's faculties. In parallel to "working out one's salvation" comes the part about "fear of the LORD" being required for one to become wise; not worldly wise, but God-wise; capable of seeing things outside one's own narrow angle of view. Putting both instructions together, then, based on the common feature of 'fear' (or AWE), perhaps it is true that holding one's heart in a state of awe is the best way to be open to God's Will, and not to be preoccupied with one's own plans and decision-making. That is, perhaps, one is best situated to know God when holding an attitude of awe-filled heart. That way both salvation can be worked toward and wisdom may enter one's mind. But in all cases, it is this trembling that makes room for God in one's mind and heart.

The earthly details of one person being more fervent, sincere, learned or running a bigger operation to serve "the least of these" do not matter in God's accounting. Rather it is the degree of openness of one's heart, the absence of hard hearts that can best draw near to God. Much like the story of the "widow's mite," it is not the size of the offering given, but instead the feelings filling the heart of the giver that matter most in building one's God relationship. Just so on the other side of the relationship: in God's eyes all sins are sins, even if mortals consider some more devastating than others. Sin literally means missing the target or straying off the road. In that sense anything that takes you away from God is harmful.

Hiding in plain sight; the humble prayer & pray-er

Perhaps the roots of the words "pray" and "praise" overlap somewhere in the mists of time; at least the quintessential composition of praying to God is meant to contain both elements: praise and thanks, as well as the part that usually preoccupies the supplicant, the "ask." In any event, if my growing up experience is typical, then prayer tended to be of two kinds: public, ceremonial ones in the course of worship or start of a sporting event, or else the ones around a feast table for Sunday dinner (with or without guests) or holiday time. In other words, the idea of pausing before each sit-down meal or to open and close one's wakeful day with prayer time; or equally foreign was the notion of scheduling a disciplined time for setting aside one's cares to pray for others known and those more distant in the world or the echelons of social order. And yet these private times, unadorned and low-tech (requiring little more than one's attention and care, no matter the time or place), perhaps are the core of reaching toward God and building habits of relationship. One result of frequent praying is 'normalization'; that is, praying becomes commonplace and usual, whether in a public place or not. Another result is 'practice makes perfect'; that is, the words come more fluently with practice and the ability to engage with thoughts and feelings nimbly as they dance through one's mind also grows stronger. Perhaps most important of all is the effect that repeated, frequent praying has on the heart of the pray-er (the one who prays): continued praising of God, thanking for God's goodness, and loving one's neighbors (indeed, loving one's enemies) results in a mind and heart that is ever more aware of other's needs and less so one's own. The upshot of powerful praying over long periods of one's life is a change in heart toward one ready to hear God's Will and follow. So something that a young or newcomer God-worshiper perceives at first as an inert, inactive, fixed piece of a worship service actually is the one action that a person can take to  propel his or her spiritual development forward. The humble, heartfelt prayer is so important, but is overlooked because it rests in plain sight!

It is simple - just Love Your God

Paradox: message of God is simple, but not immediately or simple to embrace and know. Sure you can go to an event, location, or ritual to see and participate, but unless your heart is in it then the meaning will escape you. Two people can see the same situation and understanding the significance very differently, one who sees only what is present at the moment and engges the physical senses; the other capable of seeing what is connected to the present, either just before or long before the moment at hand, and likewise perhaps able to foresee what is likely to follow from the moment in the next instant or even the more distant future. The same is true of entering into God's simple truth and the message of Love Your God and Love Your Neighbor as Yourself. One whose heart is well prepared can operationalize the meaning and apply it moment by moment. The other who is new to this Way perhaps cannot comprehend the depth and breadth of the teaching.

Just so the many commentaries, studies, and preaching and teaching *about* God's love: there are many verses, illustrations, parables and points of emphasis during the three year course of the church Lectionary.What is one to steer one's life by or how is one to know God better when the message from one minister differs from another, and even the same learned person will shine a spotlight on different faces of the Word of God on each occasion.

Holding God accountable to act like LORD?!

Much of the Bible's book of psalms includes calling out God for neglecting or badly handling his (chosen) people. Even Job, biblically patient though he is, challenges God. Others put their complaint in God's terms: that this mistreatment only hurts God by keeping the righteous from being and doing all they can. The question, though, is how much of one's growing relationship with God is built of reciprocity (God loves us; saves us; creates us and so we will consent to honoring this God), and how much is based on God being God;? Perhaps the relationship that one may expect with God is less about doing or tangible benefits and more about praising his name, seeking his face, loving his creatures; more existential and less transactional.

Pondering Psalms

It can be eye-opening or baffling to consider that some psalms stand alone and came about separated by many generations, but that others may be numbered sequentially and what is more, can be understood one contiguous to the other (e.g. 22 and 23). While there is some praise and exhortation, a consistent element is the  presence of conflicts or at least its suggestion ("in the presence of mine enemies..."). The ones attributed to David have the elegant voice of pundit instead of that imagined of a shepherd, his position early in life when he felled Goliath. Speaking of kings, in place of pyramids or mausolea, what customs set them apart from non-nobility; what traces do archaeologists know today?

What calls a person to enter a place of worship?

There are those who grow up at a church or other place of worship, and so the interior and its proceedings are normal and may even be craved when that person is absent from worship for a time or during life events or parts of worship year. Secondly, others may attend on the occasion of a wedding, baptism or funeral. From this experience they develop a taste for more of the place, its ideas, and people there. Eventually these newcomers may go beyond merely attending and joining selectively in fellowship to contribute materially to the worship and to upkeep of the church of the programming and initiatives. Along the way the focus may shift from knowledge about the religious tradition and more to knowing God; or at least to desiring to know God better, as well as to give care in developing relationships with God's people who worship and those outside the church body who worship elsewhere or not at all. Thirdly, there are those who accidentally ran into God through health crisis, social status crisis, or life's purpose crisis. The flipside of losing one's way or having one's lifestyle overturned is not so much an absence of earlier ways, but instead is the presence of God's wonder, awe or possibly trembling; some sort of transcending event or longing. From this point of suffering, or this point of numinosity (feeling ecstatic or being filled with God; literally, enthused) then the person has an urgent need or a nagging desire for more of this God experience and so seeks it from worship experiences ancient and current. And if the commitment is more than a passing hunger, then the person may then want to know God better by study, prayer, and communing with fellow travelers on the spiritual road.

Singing together to worship the lord

Sound has many properties: pattern, pitch, tone (color or timbre), volume, duration and directionality; and in combination with contrasting or complementing pattern-pitch-tone-volume, duration and directionality. Thus, much the fleeting quality of "dew on the grass" (to which a human lifespan is compared in the Bible), so too of music and spoken expression there is a temporary quality to it: while it is present and alive it is fully immersive and engrossing. But once the sound waves stop rippling through the air space, then nothing but soft impressions made on one's memory linger. And so the act of singing God's praises, lessons, or wonderings mirrors the human experience of relationships and common cause. It is temporary, but together the experience is deep and rich. Through this the sung, spoke and instrumentally played expression of desires for transcendent beauty and uplifting righteousness and all embracing love something happens; something difficult to articulate, but salient and able to be sensed in the shared space of the music. In other words, much as music can be a vehicle to reach to God and each other, so too of the worship time and the rest of one's day and week in relationships with others familiar or unknown. Music is an immersive "now" experience that soon fades, and so too, is waking social life and indeed the span of one's life; just sojourning to pass through this Veil of Tears.

The Jehova brand. Also, "God is too big"

Promoting the Jehova brand?

Sermon in the run-up to Lent included the idea of talking with God in the terms he uses (he knows every hair of our bodies and knows us even before we are born; his love is boundless), talking to ourselves in those same loving terms (to love yourself as you do your neighbor; or, as normally quoted: to love your neighbor as yourself), but also to talk to others in this same love-filled way. In other words, we are meant not just to fellowship with each other, but with those unloved in the wider society; to embody God's hospitality and hospitable nature; his love. We are meant to ask, "can I pray for you" or "you know that God loves you and me both."

     Jesus mingled with all and any, and most notably the diseased, distressed or unloved, socially invisible people of little worldly power or means. In his words and the record of how he used his days, there seem to be few overt references or attribution to God the Creator. He does refer to "my father in heaven" but his own teaching and healing he does one on one, not on behalf of God as some sort of agent or authorized actor who represents and promotes the God brand, making sure to credit God in things small and large.

     So by that example, we may also act one to one, without directly referencing or explaining God's place in the interaction and relationship, whether temporary or long-running. God will be in the front of one's mind and at the bottom of one's heart, possibly triggering or motivating or rewarding one's mind, but seen from the other side of the person receiving your care and interchange, it is just you (the face of God; his hands and feet). So it seems we need to step out with high hopes, good intention and filled with some joy in the knowledge of God there right beside us.

God is too big

We speak of being saved by God; of the infinity of God, but so much of our energy and intention and wondering while walking the mortal highways and by-ways is about cultivating a relationship with God - a process rather than a single harvest to attain and finish with. So really when we speak of God's place in our lives, and our places in God's world, it would be more accurate to say that we are saved by the unfolding and deepening of knowing God; that is, being saved by the relationship and the knowing of God. The better you know God and God's ways and God's world, the better also God's touch can reach you. If there is little or no relationship, then neither will there be much knowing and results from God's touch and presence in your life. In other words, trying to picture "God" is hard because infinity can't be embrassed. So it would be better to view "God" as the small part that personally has touched us and established a growing relationship with us.

big picture, 80 generations with God's new convenant

At 25 years per generation, there have been about 80 generations since the time that Jesus of Nazareth walked the land and taught the new covenant; not to destroy The Law of Moses, but to fulfill it. In the centuries since then we may wonder what time or place has best allowed individuals and groups of believers to engage with (wrestle with) God's Word and the come to understand the creator-redeemer in order to draw closest. On the contrary we may wonder the opposite, under what conditions and events has the relationship-building with God most suffered from distractedness, dissipation, distance or muddying the view. Finally, what does the middle position look like: times when communities and individuals are neither helped nor hindered in getting to know God's will and ways, but instead are somewhere in-between, partly hindered but also party encouraged or led to forming a working relationship with God Almighty.

Do places with rigid structure and intellectual articulateness (religious communities) necessarily make the path more direct and visible than life experiences that are more blown by winds of fancy or chance? Or do all circumstances include factors that help and also ones that hinder one's growth and curiosity? In all of human history what model seems best for helping God's children to find and know him? Are wild and solitary places most conducive, or will organized routines work better at adjusting one's attitude and expectations in order to hear and obey God's Word?

All of these questions seem to be open ones, with no clear or obvious answer. But if best ways to find and know God were well established would many people actually do so?