leaning hard on God

Men's Bible Study took us into Psalms 69-70 in which the speaker appeals to the LORD God to do some God work since the person's situation is difficult; maybe a little like Job's trials even. Since we are children of God and by extension siblings of those around us, all expressions, outpourings and complaints are relational: the strength of the relationship determines how heavy a load can be borne. Someone with a weak or barely developed God relationship may feel it smartest to be polite in his awe and company. But in this Psalm the person seems to be on pretty close terms with the Creator. So the person does not hold back from demanding a more powerful showing by The Spirit. Many places in the Bible's 1st and 2nd testaments there is wailing and demands, sinning and repenting. So to view the Book as a catalog of powerful stories of triumphs by the pure of heart is not true. There is so much that reflects the stupid, impatient, and cruel actions of people to each other, as well. From these darker parts there is much to reflect upon and learn, too; not just the shiny parts lit by glorious light.

standing in the light; knowing God is there

1. During the Monday night small group book discussion of "Why Nobody Wants to Go to Church Anymore" the opening question was about times in your life where you've become aware of God's presence - first talking with partner and then sharing with whole group:

--Examples given: unexpected turn to positive health of self or other, guardian angel experience of near miss or baffling outcome for the best, hindsight showing a pattern or direction to what at the time seemed a 'door slamming shut', or engagement in prayer or care that affects both parties - sometimes in paradoxical or completely unlikely ways. It is not that God pays you a visit, but that he is ever-present and it is you whose awareness tunes in the guiding hand or needed discernment for making a decision.

2. Barbara Brown Taylor was featured a few years ago on TIME Magazine for her book about finding God not in the light, but in the dark.
Her book, "Learning to Walk in the Dark," talks about things in the Bible that happen away from the light; places other than "mountain-top moments."
Just so, as I rode toward the Tuesday morning gathering of the Men's Bible Study the sun had recently come over the tree tops. Some buildings and parts of streets were blazing in glorious spotlighting, while others were in shadow. Over head the dome of morning blue skies, clear of any cloud, reflecting the dawning day and shone down indirectly bathing everything in light. This physical manifestation of light and dark seemed to illustrate or give body to the talk of "God is light" in that abundant and undying light covers everything and even shadowed places receive some of the indirect illumination from sky or indeed from the most brightly lit surfaces adjacent to the shadow space. As an ever changing light plays on the surfaces, so too of righteousness: there are places and times of great brightness which later dim, and there are places of shadow that may later be fully lit.

God is With Us?! Several topics, in addition

Several weeks worth of remarks follow, beginning with a line from Psalm 47 (happy days are here, again, after the doubt-filled worries of Psalm 43):

God is with us
  Typically we take the meaning to be "on our side"; we can know that we are the winning side (in mortal matters of the earthly plain of conflicts). But just maybe this angle is wrong and the better interpretation of "God is with us" should be something of a warning to put minds/hearts en guard, because "fear [awe] of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom"; that is to say, if you sense the God is right there with you and in you, then it can be a terrible, terrific feeling. Instead of thinking the God is with us, therefore our cause is the just one and is sure to prevail. Now rather the meaning is God is with us, so bow down and tremble in the majesty of it all.

Be Still and Know that I AM God
   Elsewhere in Ps 47 (NIV edition) there is reference to "I am God" which echoes one of the 99 names of God, "I AM." One meaning is that God just IS; pure BEing sums up God's name and essence. Another meaning is that (at least in English language translation of "I AM") mere mortals use the same grammar and word choice in everyday conversation, such as "I am going shopping" or "I am home now" or "I am happy with that." Every time we use the words "I am..." it sort of invokes and echoes that Name of God. This is reminiscent of the Rastafarians, who recognize that God resides in self and in others; some will get in the habit of including this God-part when talking about themselves; for example, "I and I can meet you tomorrow at 6."

Cold dark morning outdoors, but lighted welcome and hot coffee inside

Heading out into the predawn day for the weekly Men's Bible Study, it occurred to me that the stream of people following their routines to or from work at that hour represented the motorized majority getting about their consumer-scaled lives. But that just around the corner and inside the dark church building lay the regular gathering of 5-6 guys, usually aged 50 and older who come out of the cold to enjoy each other's company, the hot coffee and hearing the word of God to set them onto tangents and other conversations. Could this arrangement represent the wider society, even world: much darkness, with small pockets of welcoming light and good company where one can not only hear God's word, but also talk about it in personal terms and wrestle with it for better understanding. In other words, despite the massive and perpetual print runs and the free digital editions of the Bible, and regardless of the findability online or on TV or recorded medium, still the word of God is not necessarily easy to find; or if easy to find, then it seems to be difficult to open up and engage with. In this way it is like the small lighted room each Tuesday morning with the handful of old guys pondering it and working out their own hearts. The far and wide spaces outside are dark and cold and dominate most people's days, while to seek The Light is a rare thing, and precious, too.

Guilty vs. (a)shamed vs. judged

Psalms are filled with outpourings both of love for God and pointed expressions where the petitioner calls God into account to Just Be God when the person perceives an absence of divine engagement on the earthly plane. In one psalm there is reference to shame, which triggers the contrast social commentators make between societies where a primary motivator or awareness is shame (e.g. Japan: acute peer awareness, social capital is close to basic survival) versus places where guilt is something most people avoid (e.g. USA: infringement on absolute, black and white conditions of goodness or rightfulness, particularly of the eternal, higher-than-mortal kind).

    Western-trained psychologists say that guilt is about deeds, but shame is about one's character or self. So it may be easier to restore a person who is guilty of a deed (justice, punishment, penance, remorse) than one who has been shamed by others (a kind of bullying?) or who himself or herself feels ashamed in the eyes of those whose relationship is valued, respected, and wherein the basis for dignity and (self) esteem reside.

    The third term that underlies both conditions seems to be judgement, either feeling judged by peers or judged by God's all-seeing, unsleeping heart/mind. For example there are people who are afraid of being judged by others; a sort of hazing experienced based on asserted (or imagined expressions of) moral authority. So whether one's errors infringe on God's ways (guilt) or on social custom (shame), there is sensitivity about being judged. Yet the Bible says judgement is God's prerogative, not something for mortals to dabble in. However, as the body of believers, semi-believers, and not-yet-believers who comprise a church in mutual support of one another, there is room for holding each other accountable, while not actually casting a judgement. We should point to each other's weaknesses, not for exercising moral superiority for all are sinners alike, but for next reaching out to support each other.

    Turning to worship services in church spaces or away from formal settings it seems very often that worshipers' self-image is celebratory and the avoidance of (appearances of) shame, but rather the brave assertion of dignity and banishment of weakness, vulnerability or problems on one's heart. In other words, rather than to grab ahold of pains or problems, the undercurrent is to avoid shame or guilt, whether it is present and perceptible or is imagined and indistinct. Rather than to risk or extend oneself and one's shortcomings (not as show of weakness or one-upsmanship --my pain is worse than yours), the church year and communal worship is a place to assert God's goodness and to acknowledge each other's goodness by extension. The driver is more one of avoiding pain of The World than to reach for pleasure of God's Way. Things are framed by "deficit thinking" (what is lacking, what is hateful, what is sinful) rather than "blessing thinking" (see what is possible, what is promised to come, what to be grateful of).

Love Hate Relationship?

The same psalm uses the word 'hate' in one of the infrequent instances of the Bible. The commonplace, pop-psychology of love-hate relationships takes on new meaning when 'love' is viewed in the way of God's love; that is, enduring and (over)whelming, parent-like (firm and reliable) as well as child-like (wondrous, not overly complicated, sweet). In this light the idea of love as the opposite of (or absence of) hate can be seen with fresh eyes. Certainly there can be many hateful deeds, great or small, in the eyes of God and in the eyes of one's neighbor. All the while, though, love can go on and even grow stronger when strained by offensive sin or innocuous missteps. Since God's love is not constrained by social customs, emotional baggage, or 'common' sense, it overcome any condition, even the apparently diametrically opposed position of enemies, where we have been taught to love each other even then. And so, contradictory though it seems in human language and logical circuits, love and hate can exist side by side.