Death of a young friend

feeling darkly on this bright summer day at news of friend's death

Today we got news of the complications after maxio-facial elective surgery that resulted in cardiac distress, brain hypoxia, therapeutically induced coma and then 4 days after the start of things, his death at age 18, having newly been graduate from high school and eagerly planning the next chapter of his life.

My first real memory was sometime after he and his mom began attending the church and at less than 4 feet tall he was a confident coffee drinker, like his mom. That must have been 13 or 14 years ago. When we saw him at the open house to celebrate his graduation he must have been well over 6’2” and not skinny either.

As soon as word went around of the uncertain prognosis following his unexpected reactions, many church members and non-members made prayers for healing, physician wisdom, but ultimately that God’ Will be done. Then to receive the announcement of his death and the day and time for memorializing him was a shock, even to those outside his own family, but all the moreso for them.

Disbelief, tears of loss, hints of perceived injustice, hindsight (what if he had delayed the needed procedure in case breakthroughs are devised in the future when the elective surgery reaches a critical non-elective state at mid-life), memories of final conversations and images all come to mind, one after another. Fumbling for words to say to his mom and how to talk to others in church now apprised of the death also come to mind.

One part of shock is denial or disbelief: how could our friend be alive and alert and present in the conversation, but now be no more? Amputees describe “phantom limbs” I which nerves still send signals even though no limb corresponds to the end of the nerve line now. Perhaps the same is true when a loved one is cut off from accustomed and friendly routines. We continue to look for him to walk through the door, to laugh his old laugh, or to salute on another in passing by.

Grieving is a process without end, although the function and meanings change along the way. Perhaps disbelief at the whole thing will shift to resignations or possibly, in time, come to be a source of hope and basis for faith. Compared to other places and other points in history, most of us seldom have personal or close-up experiences of death apart from our own moment. So the whole thing may8 somehow make sense, or seem all right for people surrounded by death. But since we glorify youth and potential, and personal control or choices, the situation of young death that comes unexpectedly seems the very most horrible.

The people of the Bible times normally had shorter lives, and death came in many ways. Greater rates of childbirth counterbalanced the dying (indeed birthing could itself be a cause of dying). So the consoling words found in the Good Book are well tried and polished by frequent use. They apply today, as well, but to our 21^st century ears perhaps the full meaning is not heard.

A prayer of Moses the man of God.

¹ Lord, you have been our dwelling place
    throughout all generations.
² Before the mountains were born
    or you brought forth the whole world,
    from everlasting to everlasting you are God.

³ You turn people back to dust,
    saying, “Return to dust, you mortals.”
⁴ A thousand years in your sight
    are like a day that has just gone by,
    or like a watch in the night.
⁵ Yet you sweep people away in the sleep of death—
    they are like the new grass of the morning:
⁶ In the morning it springs up new,
    but by evening it is dry and withered.

[New International Version, Psalm 90]

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%2090&version=NIV

Actually living versus just watching

Attending an outdoor summer concert by a traveling youth choir from overseas, I was impressed by several of their songs and wondered how it would be to practice the same music locally in our town's community choir. After all, to hear something is one sort of pleasure, but to commit to memory, or just to read from the printed page is another kind of pleasure.

     Thinking of analogies that parallel this "hearing it versus performing it" distinction, several illustrations come to mind: (1) soccer mom cheers, but volunteer referee (om) is on the field of play and becomes instrumental to conducting the game, (2) browsing recipes online or in  print or swapping them face to face may turn up new ideas or expand one's bucket list, but to actually track down the ingredients and follow the prescribed methods before finally serving the result is altogether a different experience, (3) looking at photo collections or viewing dozens of famous films may develop a taste for the fullest depth and meaning of the subjects presented, but to make one's own photo (influenced by champion exemplars or precedents) or producing one's own video requires different muscles. The illustrations could go on: read the libretto versus actually memorize the lines and blocking the stage movement, studying the whaling methods of premodern times versus using those same tools for the same purpose today –although bereft of the cultural system of reference points, master narratives and precedents, and distinctions from by-gone times.

     When it comes to church service – both the outward praise and the inward searching, there is some learning during the sermon message, which may also occur at time of Bible study, small group book discussion, and the living message made in the lives of mentors, peers, and mentees. But all these things serve to build up one's stock of knowledge, sort of like attending a concert performance versus putting the rehearsal time so one can move from audience to the stage itself and join with others in actually producing results instead of just add to one's private store of knowledge.

     So what will your answer be to the question about living the life that God prepares for you versus storing up knowledge, sharpening your curiosity, and tuning your ear to hear God's calling. Are you actually living or just preparing for a future life? No matter how many generations rise up and then pass away, still the actions necessary to live a full and useful life are worth doing afresh, again and again. It is in the living that so much of God's Will makes sense.

Prayer vigil at a time of distress

lots of aids for use of those taking a rotation in the 24 hour vigil at church for World and selves

The past weeks have brought horrible deaths and destruction by deliberate actions of rudderless individual actors, sometimes loosely affiliating with larger philosophies, but in no way part of God's being in the world: murder of police while they serve the public, killing of the public by police, massacre at gay nightclub Pulse in Orlando, mass killing to instill terror in France, Iraq, Syria, Bangladesh; the unrest in Venezuela's crumbling social order are among those instances we are told about by the news media. So a few people at church proposed that we organize a 24 hour cycle of praying to dwell on this World and God's peace, mercy, love, and justice within it. Typically we do this every year or two ad hoc, as our times require; although across the town square the Catholic brothers and sisters schedule this work once a month.

The 5 to 7 a.m. slots were quiet and bridged the dark of a summer night to the soft light of morning's rise. The photo shows some of the results from the previous 15 hours: large sheets with images, passages, exhortation - some sheets covered on both sides, but not signed. The altar bible dates from the 1950s, before the New International Version [NIV] was first printed. It is opened to Proverbs 2 and includes the verses 20-22: 

Thus you will walk in the ways of the good
    and keep to the paths of the righteous.
For the upright will live in the land,
    and the blameless will remain in it;

but the wicked will be cut off from the land,
    and the unfaithful will be torn from it.

On the floor is a pew Bible in the NIV translation, opened to Psalm 17 and 18.

Keep me as the apple of your eye;
    hide me in the shadow of your wings
from the wicked who are out to destroy me,
    from my mortal enemies who surround me.
They close up their callous hearts,
    and their mouths speak with arrogance [Ps 17:8-10]

As well, in reciting something like a cantor, Psalm 9 stood out:

Rise up, O Lord! Do not let mortals prevail;
    let the nations be judged before you.
Put them in fear, O Lord;
    let the nations know that they are only human. Selah [Ps 9:19-20 NRSV]

No formal advice was given to those giving their prayers, alone or in pairs, during the 24 hours.

Besides reading prayers from book or other printed page, reciting by heart, or composing extemporaneously, one could sing or speak the lyrics from a hymnal or in one's heart. Walking meditation helps some people focus their mind, as does visual expression on paper in some other people. Votive candles were lit for contemplation of the element of fire to hearken to God's presence and being (warmth, illumination, but also destruction and purification). The physical space of the worship area itself can lend inspiration or memories for some prayer makers, as does the contemplative CD recordings and selected books near the altar. The facts of posture (seated, prostrate, standing, arms akimbo or to the sides or palms help up or arms in exhortation), breathing, and movement (normal, slowed, glacial) can be another device to focus the mind and articulate the heart's desire. Verbal expression could be written from one's mind or copied from a source passage; spoken in big voice, conversational voice, or sotto voce. And inaudible recitation of prayer, even without words at all is possible, as is song as hummed or articulated.

By the middle of the 2nd hour, I had run through several of the expressions, above, and arrived at some sort of conclusion with regard to the subject of "distress in our people at home and abroad." As the minutes passed my distractable mind slowed its pace, made itself to feel at home in this setting, and got down to the work of focusing and listening. Eventually I got past the headlines and reportorial, high altitude perspective and began to imagine the personal scale of events; the lives extinguished and  the families, friends, co-workers left behind.

My prayer concept gradually emerged: that evil doers (yes, we also do pray God's love for them) and those preparing to do fresh evil may be overcome with a dread sense of weariness with their world and thereby would pause in their preparations and perverse goals long enough to cast aside the evil of their own accord: let there be heavy weariness upon the evil doers. And for those bereft of their loved one, left bereaved: let there be comfort and even forgiveness to forestall any self-blame or second-guessing themselves. As for those striving to do God's will, no matter if rain or shine: let there be fortitude and integrity that shines brightly for all to know.

And God's grace and presence; how to find it amid the confusion, contradictory messages, and preoccupations of mobile, digitally distracted daily living? The answer from this vigil seems to lie in the 5 senses. The full spectrum sunlight, silvery moonlight, or deep shadows all engage our visual receptors and express God's being visually. Sounds, rhythms and words all populate the audio field we live and work in. The same awareness of God in the sense of touch, smell, and taste can be made. By quieting one's heart, emptying one's hands and draining one's oversize ego, then the amplified sense of God occupying the physicality of our days comes to be a source of comfort. When seeking after God, just take a deep breath and then examine the 5 senses; not in the everyday, familiar way, but in a sharpened, amplified way: slowed down, turned up, maximized attention and delight. When you dwell in these, you are abiding in God's presence.

Finally the 5 a.m. to 7 a.m. rotation for this prayer vigil came to an end and the next folks walked into the sanctuary space to take a turn. Perhaps the chain of people praying up until now did not materially alter the world, but probably their efforts did touch their own hearts and align their head and heart to make some sense of the past few weeks of destruction and death.

public cross - what's it there for?

Crucifix can be on T-shirts, lapel pin, earring and other jewelry, bumper stickers, gravestones, worship building windows or rooftops, and from market place squares of Britain (for example) the market cross was placed prominently. Doubtless there are multiple meanings for the master craftsman who executed the object, for those paying for it or commissioning it, for those passing through, residing nearby, or doing business in its shadow. Pillars of society may see this as a reminder of doing righteous deeds, law breakers may consider the cross in a different light, some who suffer misfortune could have conflicted feelings to the place of God in their life experience, young people may wonder what it signifies, old or ill people feeling their mortality may wonder differently than the young people.

     So there are personal, family, business, community, and whole Christendom levels of meaning, as well as the inflections made by a person's denomination, perhaps. For those unversed in the culture and ways of Christians, and for those averse or rejecting it all, the crucifix may hardly be recognized in their mind's eye, self-image, or aspirations. But no matter the scale of meaning (individual versus group), no matter the physical form of the crucifix (Roman killing instrument for public humiliation and suffering), and no matter the circumstance in which it may be spotted, the question remains: what is it there for? What is being meant by it?

     Purposeful placement by seminary-trained persons could mean "this execution machine is our shared symbol from the beginning to show that death is overcome; that while living we have much good to do in God's name." Casual adornment in clothing or jewelry could mean "I am not shy about my fellowship with other Christians and my engagement with others who don't know The Way that Christ taught us," or instead it could simply mean "I belong with the team that means to do good and mostly tries to be righteous, so don't judge me." And when a local governing body decides to establish a public monument with crucifix or other Christian reference then perhaps the meaning is "we declare God's ever-watchful eye will reign over this bailliwick, so please do behave properly and follow all local ordinances." But in none of these imagined interpretations is there a direct expression of the message, "God loves you. Seek after God to find your own direction and support. Love one another as well as you regard your own self."