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| feeling darkly on this bright summer day at news of friend's death |
Today we got news of the complications after maxio-facial
elective surgery that resulted in cardiac distress, brain hypoxia,
therapeutically induced coma and then 4 days after the start of things, his
death at age 18, having newly been graduate from high school and eagerly
planning the next chapter of his life.
My first real memory was sometime after he and his mom began
attending the church and at less than 4 feet tall he was a confident coffee
drinker, like his mom. That must have been 13 or 14 years ago. When we saw him
at the open house to celebrate his graduation he must have been well over 6’2”
and not skinny either.
As soon as word went around of the uncertain prognosis
following his unexpected reactions, many church members and non-members made
prayers for healing, physician wisdom, but ultimately that God’ Will be done. Then
to receive the announcement of his death and the day and time for memorializing
him was a shock, even to those outside his own family, but all the moreso for
them.
Disbelief, tears of loss, hints of perceived injustice,
hindsight (what if he had delayed the needed procedure in case breakthroughs
are devised in the future when the elective surgery reaches a critical non-elective
state at mid-life), memories of final conversations and images all come to
mind, one after another. Fumbling for words to say to his mom and how to talk
to others in church now apprised of the death also come to mind.
One part of shock is denial or disbelief: how could our
friend be alive and alert and present in the conversation, but now be no more?
Amputees describe “phantom limbs” I which nerves still send signals even though
no limb corresponds to the end of the nerve line now. Perhaps the same is true
when a loved one is cut off from accustomed and friendly routines. We continue
to look for him to walk through the door, to laugh his old laugh, or to salute
on another in passing by.
Grieving is a process without end, although the function and
meanings change along the way. Perhaps disbelief at the whole thing will shift
to resignations or possibly, in time, come to be a source of hope and basis for
faith. Compared to other places and other points in history, most of us seldom
have personal or close-up experiences of death apart from our own moment. So
the whole thing may8 somehow make sense, or seem all right for people
surrounded by death. But since we glorify youth and potential, and personal
control or choices, the situation of young death that comes unexpectedly seems
the very most horrible.
The people of the Bible times normally had shorter lives,
and death came in many ways. Greater rates of childbirth counterbalanced the
dying (indeed birthing could itself be a cause of dying). So the consoling words
found in the Good Book are well tried and polished by frequent use. They apply
today, as well, but to our 21st century ears perhaps the full
meaning is not heard.
A prayer
of Moses the man of God.
1 Lord, you have been our dwelling
place
throughout all generations.
2 Before the mountains were born
or you brought forth the whole world,
from everlasting to everlasting you are God.
throughout all generations.
2 Before the mountains were born
or you brought forth the whole world,
from everlasting to everlasting you are God.
3 You turn people back to dust,
saying, “Return to dust, you mortals.”
4 A thousand years in your sight
are like a day that has just gone by,
or like a watch in the night.
5 Yet you sweep people away in the sleep of death—
they are like the new grass of the morning:
6 In the morning it springs up new,
but by evening it is dry and withered.
saying, “Return to dust, you mortals.”
4 A thousand years in your sight
are like a day that has just gone by,
or like a watch in the night.
5 Yet you sweep people away in the sleep of death—
they are like the new grass of the morning:
6 In the morning it springs up new,
but by evening it is dry and withered.
[New International Version, Psalm 90]
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