When I pray; Precious Jesus

etymology online for "prayer" click for larger display

Personal statements differ from more distanced, 3rd person descriptions. Here is a flash of insight from Barbara Brown Taylor's chapter on experiences praying,

...my sense that there are real things I can do, both in my body and in my mind, to put myself in the presence of God. God is not obliged to show up, but if God does, then I will be ready. At the same time, I am aware that prayer is more than something I do. The longer I practice prayer, the more I think it is something that is always happening, like a radio wave that carries music through the air whether I tune in to it or not.
     An Altar in the World: A Geography of Faith, page 190

My own process of aging and wondering at things around me included a time near the start of middle age when I started going to a weekly 7 a.m. Men's Bible Study. Most of the other 5 or 6 guys were older than me and had been meeting to read, chew on, and reflect on the Bible a few lines at a time, going from the start to the end of any given chapter, sometimes taking months to complete one chapter before polling everyone to pick another one. One guy in particular has a powerful way of directly engaging God and the Word of God that included the phrase "precious Jesus." At first I doubted the genuineness of what seemed on the surface to be a cliche or set-phrase. But little by little I learned to see how deeply this meaning was for him. It was personal and he was not shy about professing it before the others sitting around the table.

That feeling of confidence and lack of performance anxiety in putting something very personal in plain view is what helped me to do something similar; treating prayer as a direct expression of what can be articulated or sometimes is too big or small to fit properly into words, but at least can be hinted as. As a result, a few times I have paused at restaurants or other public eateries to say a brief, usually silent prayer ahead of rushing to the plate. And at family gatherings when asked to pray before mealtime, I don't feel too shy either.

Each week at the Men's Bible Study there is an opening and a closing prayer that is pretty open-ended, but normally includes at least one element of praise for God, and one element of thanks to God. Otherwise there is a mix of supplications for people named in the circle, for our own hearts, and for fellow believers. What seems to matter most, though, about getting accustomed to praying to punctuate events, but also when anxious, afraid, uncertain, or even when full of hope, is that by pausing long enough to collect some calm and to quiet one's heart something important seems to happen. Rather than to trust in one's own powers and direction, the posture of prayer demonstrates to self and others that answers lie outside of one's control, wishes, or power. Furthermore, the certainties of a hard heart also loosen up by the habit of prayer as one can see the shortcomings of people, including oneself. In other words, the more one prays, to better one hears and the more carefully one listens to one's own heart, and listens also to the people in one's life at work or at home.

Like any habit, it develops and emerges over time and through frequent use. At first that might take the form of collective, unison (printed or memorized) prayers. Later there might be opportunities to pray by improvisation, without great rehearsal. When the circle is small, there is a blanket of trust to support the awkward first steps. A bigger, more public setting may overwhelm, by comparison. But with more and more experience, even a prominent speaking role is within one's abilities to engage in.

Looking back, there is a lot of worth (worth-ship; worship) in the phrase "precious Jesus" and I am thankful to my fellow seeker for that.